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Parenting is the ultimate exercise in personal
choice. And the choices that seem right for one
mom or dad, may not seem right for another,
especially when it comes to dealing with a child’s
behavior problems. In most situations, I think
most parents really do know the right thing to do,
but doing it, especially in the heat of the
moment, is the real challenge.
I’m often been asked what I do with children who
act up in public when they don’t get their way.
Though it wasn’t always this way, these days I
only take children out in public who know how to
act in public. When one of my children misbehaves,
we leave. Yes, that’s sometimes inconvenient, but
I know that if I tolerate misbehavior, my child
will learn precisely how to manipulate the
situation to get exactly what she wants.
Understanding the consequences of my own choice,
helps me meet the challenge of the choice I have
to make for my child.
I think about choices all the time and have come
to believe that they represent the most powerful
parenting tool I have. For example, when my
youngest daughter threw a fit in Toys ‘R Us a
couple of weeks ago, I got down at her level,
calmly looked at her, and said, “You can calm down
and we can get what we came for, or we can leave;
it’s your choice.” She didn’t believe me and
continued to pout and whine, so we went home.
Did I like having to leave without getting what we
were there for? No, but getting my daughter to
behave properly was more important. I didn’t lose
my temper, she calmed down, and the rest of the
afternoon was pleasant. It was very difficult for
me not to get angry and yell at her. We’ve all
been the parent who pulls and tugs at a child and
says, “If I have to tell you one more time to stop
whining…” Well, there really isn’t a “what” to the
“if”. And kids figure that out even quicker than
we do.
In the past, I have been as guilty as the next
parent in conceding to my children at times in
public just to make them happy.. But since I’ve
started I’ve started heading out when they start
acting up, I have little fear anymore of shopping
with them at places like Toys ‘R Us!
It may take a couple of incidents for children to
catch on, and we must be consistent and follow
through completely each time. If we waiver,
children learn the situations and places where
they can act up instead of the behavior we’re
trying to encourage. As with so many of the things
we try to do for our kids where choices are
concerned, consistency is vital. But what can we
do for ourselves to help us make consistently good
choices?
I think about this: I have only one passage
through time with my children and I owe it to them
to model the best choices I can make, especially
when those choices are the hard ones. I know
they’ll face hard choices, too, and when they are
met with those challenges, I want them to have my
life and my learning to look back on as a helpful
guide.
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